Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
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