It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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