I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
