true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
wow bdsm is so cute
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