God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
