You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
