also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
