A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
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