I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
