remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
