Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
