Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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