I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
