It's Friday. Sex?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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