I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
This show inspires me to have sex in space
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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