I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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