spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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