I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
