I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize