I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
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Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
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We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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