but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
