I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Randomize
