Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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