I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
It's rum buckets o'clock
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