She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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