quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
