Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize