i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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