my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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