Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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