You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
