we're making bets on your personal life
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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