Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
