yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
