oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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