I smell stomach acid.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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