My first STD was from a foam party
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
