What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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