So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
