She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
