He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I love you.
Bad choice
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
