All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
