I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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