I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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