idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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