Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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