Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
