Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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