i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
