And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
