just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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