Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
