Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
It's just like the Real World with babies
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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