eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
