It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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