You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
