I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I believe in your delicious
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
