My Higher Power is John Stamos
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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