All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
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