C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
