Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
