Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Randomize
