My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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