I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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