Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
