Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
