so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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