handjob tips. give me some.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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