Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
