Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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