Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'