I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
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At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
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They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life