he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there