it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
My vagina is very pro this idea