Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
These 23 Kids Have The Most Overbearing Parents Imaginable
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.