Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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