This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
