Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
My cat gives me a boner
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
