she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
