I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
