he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
