you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
